Anger Is

One of the changes commonly noted by people who engage in person-centred therapy - as recognised by Carl Rogers, the founder of this approach - is a greater openness to experience. This means that we become more open and accepting of all of our experience, i.e. not just the thoughts and feelings that fit with our view of ourselves, and not just the ones we believe are “acceptable”.

Anger is an emotion that many of us find difficult to process, and one that clients struggle with often. Some of us are carrying a lot of anger and perhaps we feel ashamed of it. Some of us struggle to feel our anger, even when we know our boundaries have been crossed and the smile on our face is not authentic.

Below is a piece I wrote during my therapist training about my thoughts on this powerful emotion. Perhaps something might resonate for you, and the beliefs you may hold about anger.

I would note that what I am talking about here is the emotion of anger, and not any particular expression or behaviour that can result from it. We know that anger has been commonly associated with aggression, but this is often a result of repressed anger, or rage. There are many constructive expressions of anger also. It can be a powerful vehicle for change.

The emotion of anger is a natural response to having our boundaries crossed, an experience we all have from time to time. This piece is an effort to separate the emotion from the behaviours we associate with it. It is about exploring what we believe, and moving towards allowing ourselves to really explore, feel and accept our anger, so we can keep growing and moving forward.

Anger is…

Anger is natural, healthy, free flowing when we are aligned with ourselves, it is in motion, in process, in the moment, now. It is flow rather than stuckness.

Anger is self-protection, it is justice, it is a vital step to an honest and healthy world.

Anger is a declaration of self-love.

Anger is fire, passion, power.

Anger is saying no to wrongness and oppression and fear. Anger is real.

Anger is fighting for our relationships, for ourselves and for our world.

Anger is constructive. Is knowing our worth. Is knowing our innate need as human beings to be treated with respect and love. It is our importance.

Anger is knowing that we matter.

Anger is living within our boundaries, is knowing them well, is having a strong sense of self, is not being enmeshed.

Anger is information. It is truth.

To express our anger is to hold a mirror up to the world.

My anger is about me in response to you, not about your reasons, or your ability to receive it.

Anger is having a voice.

Anger is not conflict, not a sign of an unhealthy relationship, not aggressive or violent, not disrespectful.

Anger is not innately offensive, not an attack on another person, not a lack of empathy, not ugly or cruel or harsh.

Anger is not blame, not a lie, not punishment.

Anger is not destructive, not creating drama, not irrational, not weakness, not uncool, not unacceptable.

My anger does not have to be refined, articulate, justified in line with someone else's view of the world.

My anger is simply how I feel. It doesn't need to be evaluated, questioned, judged. It doesn't need to be diminished, repressed, held back or in. It doesn't have to be correct.